december 28, 2010 // feeling torn

Man, I thought I might feel this way eventually.. but it happened sooner than I'd expected. I'm feeling torn. Sorry if that made you get that Natalie Imbruglia song stuck in your head.. but it's true. I don't think I've ever felt this torn before!

Here's why - I've been living in California (including leaving there to do my roadie job for Roadtrip Nation for two months) for a year come this March. When I left, I told my parents that I'd probably be back in six months at the most, but then time flew by.. as time tends to do.. and I was having so much fun hanging out with my friends from Roadtrip Nation, making new friends and working that I didn't come home for any significant amount of time (minus coming home for three days in July.. but that seems like a dream because it was so short) until the beginning of this month.

I've always been really close to my parents, so leaving home in the first place was especially hard.. but I know that leaving home after spending the holidays with them will be even harder. I feel like I want to be in two places at once. I want to be in California because socially it's amazing.. everyone there is as weird or weirder than I am, there's always something new and creative to do and where I live is close enough to L.A. that I can drive there for a concert without really having to think much about it. I have some amazing friends here on the East Coast that I love, but there are only like five places to go in my hometown at night.. and most things close around 8pm..

Regardless, part of me wants to be here in Connecticut because only seeing my parents twice over the course of a year is something that I don't want to make a habit of doing. I'm very seriously considering moving back to the East Coast - maybe to Brooklyn or some other nearby young/hip/things-stay-open-later-than-8pm place. I don't know. The only real plan that I have right now is flying back to California for my West Coast birthday party (I'm having two parties this year.. I feel so lucky!) and then driving up to Montana where my friend Sarah lives for a month to write and illustrate a childrens' book.. (I'll be writing a post about that soon because I'm super excited about it!!)

Anyway, I guess this is just a rant about how I'm feeling so I can get it out of my system. I don't want to leave behind all of the amazing people I've connected with in California, but I also don't know how often I can come back out to Connecticut if I stay out there and get a full-time job with... ick.. vacation time.. (which, if I want to live comfortably and do cool things, I'll have to do) ..sorry, but I have a lot of issues with corporate jobs.. I hate that they control my free time so much.. sorry.. ranting again.. that's a whole other blog post! Maybe I can clone myself or live between both coasts in the Midwest. If you know of any solutions, please, please, please e-mail me or comment below.. I could use some advice!